Control

My emotions don't feel like rushes of water over my feet.

It's like a hot fire in my lungs. It’s the sensation of breathing out something burning. I want to put it out- but every intake fuels the flames. I want to stoke the embers- but they’re somewhere I can’t reach- or at the very least somewhere I don’t dare explore.

People always say to sit with your emotions and recognize them so they can pass.

How do I let a hole burning through me sit.

How do I shed the scarred tissue that it created.

How do I kill a fire I don’t even know how to see.

I wish that the way that I felt didn’t rush over the inside of my skin like a sudden headache. It’s always cloudy and intense. It makes me feel like I can’t move my body but at the same time I feel like I need to act. It’s so painful.

I can function if I feel on the tip of my skin, if I only let a little bit of the feeling seep inside through the pores. But then I can’t remember the feeling. All I know is that eventually all those little droplets that seep in create an ocean of flame in a small burst.